Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
