I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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