i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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