i permit you to call me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
