Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
