You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
