he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
