weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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