Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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