All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The power of my boobs compel you
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
