if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
