My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
