I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
