Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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