You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
