ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
