I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
