im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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