If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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