if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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