He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
