I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
