I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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