yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
