I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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