I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
