filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
