u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
