I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
