Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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