I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
