I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
