good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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