Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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