Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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