I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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