Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
