mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
