i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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