im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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