The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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