just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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