Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
