i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
they're like a gay fantastic four
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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