It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
