Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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