Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
