Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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