I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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