Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
