whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
