The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
