so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
