Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize