to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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