my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
