I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
