but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
