It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
