Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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