He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
