idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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