I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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