I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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