Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
