In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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