Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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