I murdered the dance floor call the cops
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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