____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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