I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
