I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
