Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
