her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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