hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
