Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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