Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
